


Gone Days

by bubblegumclouds



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Body Dysphoria, Body Image, Depression, Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Louis Has An Eating Disorder, M/M, Pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-29
Updated: 2018-04-29
Packaged: 2019-04-29 19:24:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14479515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bubblegumclouds/pseuds/bubblegumclouds
Summary: Louis is having a bad day with his eating disorder, Harry is helping as best as he can.





	Gone Days

**Author's Note:**

> As I'm in recovery, I can look back on this with a certain sense of pride. I wrote this in a dark, dark place and just getting it out there was something I needed to reassure me that one bad day does not make a bad future. It does not mean you're back at square one. Always keep hope.
> 
> Help- http://fight-your-illness.tumblr.com/post/138823265724/reblog-to-save-a-life
> 
> Twitter- angeltxmlinson  
> Tumblr- angeltxmlinson

Harry strolled in late at night, his insistence to work on his songs in the darkest part of twilight meant that he was up until two or three at least. He slid into the bed, very careful not to wake Louis as he desperately craved the sleep.

“Haz?” Louis’ soft voice whispered croakily into the darkness surrounding the room. There was a light rustle of sheets moving as Louis re-settled himself.  
“Lou, go back to sleep love,” Harry muttered as he arranged himself around Louis. His stretched out limbs wrapping delicately around the fragile boy.

“Haz, it’s a bad one,” Lou whispered matter of factly and Harry’s body halted as his eyes slipped shut. He knew what that meant, he knew Louis’ disorder was making its ugly appearance. Every time this happened, he’d feel the guilt of not being able to do anything, at not being able to take the pain away from the person he loved most.

“Love, it’s okay,” Harry softly comforted as he whisked away to gather something that may help Louis. Wordlessly, he handed Louis a new glass of water and watched his shaking hands retrieve it. Harry would have thought when he first started dealing with Louis’ eating disorder that he would have become accustomed to the painful sights but he didn’t, they just got more and more heartbreaking.

“I fuckin’ hate this,” Louis sighed and brushing it away with a statement like that was usually a sign he was in pain.  
“I know babe, ‘s not fair on you. My beautiful boy, my little angel,” Harry complimented as he knew Louis needed that type of care because of his nature. The way he put up a hard shell on everything and refused to help himself.

Louis didn’t reply and Harry cursed the evil body dysmorphia devils for taking route in his lover's brain. For planting seeds of doubt and sitting back to watch the thorns bury deep, ruining the person that was there. Sometimes Louis caught the light and he looked so unbelievably thin that Harry would have believed anyone saying they’d swapped Louis for someone new. The days he was in pain, plagued by the aches and unable to stand without burned galaxies appearing in his vision, those were the days it haunted Harry the most.

“Is there anything more I can do for you?” Harry asked as he gently cupped Louis’ angular face, the bones pushing into the cushion of Harry’s palm.  
“Make me fuckin’ thin,” Louis joked darkly and usually Harry would recognise this as a method to cope but Harry wasn’t too sure about how much of a joke this was.

“You’re as fragile as tissue paper baby, sometimes I’m so scared I’ll just rip right through you if I trace my fingers along your skin. Remember what I said, love?” Harry lazily spoke his words, trying to calm the atmosphere and in turn, Louis’ violent energy.  
“Healthy doesn’t equal skinny,” Louis recited with a dull tone. Louis was exhausted already, his mind working too fast for his body to cope.

“Do you want to try and sleep, love?” Harry asked as his fingers swept Louis’ feathered flicks from his forehead, his temperature almost as changeable as his uneven breaths.  
“Guess so,” Louis huffed as he lay back, attempting to enjoy the way his boyfriend wrapped languidly around his frame but his outlook on his body wasn’t letting him do so.  
“Haz, um,” Louis stuttered awkwardly, his tone uneven and his words not pronouncing right. Luckily, Harry knew, he always knew.

“Sorry love, you’re always beautiful to me,” Harry whispered as he climbed off Louis and onto his side. As painful as it was, Louis would only work himself up if he left it. When he started to cry, Harry was there to wipe his tears as always, stealing them away as if their existence offended him.

“One day at a time Lou, just breathe,” Harry reminded and it was welcome to Louis. He always got so wrapped up in the image of things staying this way for his future that he forgot every good day he’d ever had. Sometimes he forgot that he wanted to live. Harry would just take his hand, remind him to breathe, remind him to take the moment as it came and try to understand it. Louis could never have the same peace with his body as Harry did, but Harry made him want to try and that was what mattered.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope this reminded anyone struggling that one day can come and pass. You are not alone and I understand. This work is special to me and you are too. If you ever need any help, here is a masterpost. http://fight-your-illness.tumblr.com/post/138823265724/reblog-to-save-a-life
> 
> I'm here too  
> Twitter- angeltxmlinson  
> Tumblr- angeltxmlinson


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